To Gasp or Not To Gasp

A while back, I wrote a blog about a little habit I have that drives my good friend, Alicia up a wall. If you don't remember, click here to see the previous post. My love of drama has instilled in me a habit of GASPING. I thought about it the other day when my friend Shannon showed up on crutches due to a twisted ankle, and the sight of her injury elicited one hearty, robust intake of air. Then I remembered that I never posted Part 2 of Alicia's Gasp/No Gasp list.

Before you check it out however, I'd just like to point out to everyone, that the Gasp Worthy list is a lot longer than the Not Gasp Worthy list. Hmmm... interesting. Maybe my habit is not so unfounded after all...

So, without further ado, here it is:

GASP WORTHY (PART 2)
11. finding out the tooth fairy is real

12. waking up with cruella de ville hair

13. if lil kim became a supreme court justice

14. if i were to get chased by ninjas

15. if my poops were electric blue

16. if jason statham gets married to someone that is not me

17. if hammer pants come back into style and anna wintour wears them

18. if my sister jessie were able to levitate (cause it wouldn't be surprising if i could)

19. if you run into the “get off my train” dude from Ghost on the subway – that guy is terrifying

20. if you were to see a real life exorcism

21. if you were to see the alien come out of someone’s stomach in a diner – john hurt style

22. if I were to get braces again and I finally got to kiss ewan mcgreggor and he happened to have braces for a role and our braces get locked together

23. if gael garcia bernal makes a movie that doesn’t show him giving cunnalingus to a woman

24. if the Brooklyn bridge starts to warp while we are crossing it – like that freaky bridge did in Tacoma

25. if while watching a concert at madison square garden, you see the arena get sucked into a sinkhole (like that one in chile) and miraculously our two seats are the only ones that remain

26. spontaneous human combustion – anyone. Anywhere.

27. if you walk into my apartment and I’m having tea with oprah in our jammies

28. if we are getting air-lifted out of the water from some freakish accident and, while climbing up the ladder to the helicopter a Great White Shark jumps at us. (Like that photoshopped photo, but real)

29. If I ever finish a game of monopoly

30. If snuggle the laundry bear is really jack the ripper

31. if mel gibson ever has a comeback

32. if I cut the top of my thumb off – again. gross



Things that are NOT GASP WORTHY



11. if a new serial killer is discovered to be dressed as a clown - they are suspect

12. if you see a ghost – everyone knows they’re real, just stay out of their way

13. at the fact that peter gabriel taught a group of monkeys how to play instruments – that’s just cool

14. if you learn that time travel is possible, cause it is (however, if I time travel and wake up to find I'm getting chased by a saber tooth tiger, I will allow a gasp)

15. if my dog atticus started speaking. We all know he can, itt’s just his choice not to

16. if I pass out – I do it a lot

17. if I’m invited to race the indie 500

18. the line at the movies

No Gasping Over Robert Pattinson

I have gratefully surrounded myself with good friends. They are loyal, funny, smart, fun and... honest. Many of you know my good friend, Alicia - who also happens to be my boss at On the Leesh Productions. Alicia and I have had a surprisingly easy time navigating the sometimes uncomfortable waters of a friend/boss relationship. We both have a work voice and a friend voice, and have keen ears to which is being used when. So it was to my surprise when, during a "friend conversation" Boss Alicia came out and commanded that I cease... gasping.

Yes, you've read that correctly. She commanded that I cease gasping. Now, I'm sure you're not surprised that I'm a gasper. Most who know me know that I have a flare for drama at times, and have had the occasion to react to something with a slight intake of breath... a gasp, if you will. Call it my dramatic outlet.

Back to the story at hand. One evening, Alicia and I were discussing I can't remember what, when she pointed to a long movie line that went around the corner. In reaction to said long line, I gasped.

After said gasp, Alicia promptly announced that she and I were in dire need of a gasp-appropriateness discussion. Apparently a long movie line is not gasp worthy and my throwing inhalations around like such cheap trash has brought on Alicia's ire.

About one week later, I received an email with the following subject line: THE GASP LIST. The body of the email contained two lists: Gasp Worthy and Not Gasp Worthy.

If you, like me, have a dramatic flare for things... I present you with Part 1 of your Gasp List Guide from my boss/friend combo, Alicia.


THE GASP LIST, Part 1 (written by Alicia, for Julie)

1. if i walk out of my office with stigmata

2. if you woke up pregnant tomorrow (i get to gasp)

3. if Russell Crowe comes out of the closet

4. if your dog, Dyna-Dog starts speaking Arabic

5. if your cat, Olivia runs up a $5,000 pay-per-porn charge on your cable box

6. if while sky diving with me, my shoot doesn't open

7. if Labron James announces that he moved to miami to join the ballet

8. setting eyebrows on fire

9. seeing Baryshnikov fall out of a pirouette

10. finding out Santa is not real



THE NOT GASP WORTHY LIST, Part 1 (by Alicia, written for Julie)

1. traffic

2. not getting the right salad dressing

3. out of toilet paper

4. hearing Bad Romance four times in one-hour on the radio

5. seeing R-Patz

( i will however allow a gasp if you see r-pats, coach mark wahlberg, george clooney, leo, riggins and paul newman (circa exodus) all playing basketball as skins against the harlem globetrotters (yes even the fictional characters and the dead guy must be present to warrant a full gasp)

6. burning toast

7. a run in your panty hose

8. learning that it's a small world is not running - it always gets backed up

( i will however allow a gasp if the only working ride were the wed way people mover)

9. if i pee my pants on Kingda Ka - have you seen that ride?

10. if you meet the real life Cullens (no one would believe you, so don't waste a gasp)