To Gasp or Not To Gasp

A while back, I wrote a blog about a little habit I have that drives my good friend, Alicia up a wall. If you don't remember, click here to see the previous post. My love of drama has instilled in me a habit of GASPING. I thought about it the other day when my friend Shannon showed up on crutches due to a twisted ankle, and the sight of her injury elicited one hearty, robust intake of air. Then I remembered that I never posted Part 2 of Alicia's Gasp/No Gasp list.

Before you check it out however, I'd just like to point out to everyone, that the Gasp Worthy list is a lot longer than the Not Gasp Worthy list. Hmmm... interesting. Maybe my habit is not so unfounded after all...

So, without further ado, here it is:

GASP WORTHY (PART 2)
11. finding out the tooth fairy is real

12. waking up with cruella de ville hair

13. if lil kim became a supreme court justice

14. if i were to get chased by ninjas

15. if my poops were electric blue

16. if jason statham gets married to someone that is not me

17. if hammer pants come back into style and anna wintour wears them

18. if my sister jessie were able to levitate (cause it wouldn't be surprising if i could)

19. if you run into the “get off my train” dude from Ghost on the subway – that guy is terrifying

20. if you were to see a real life exorcism

21. if you were to see the alien come out of someone’s stomach in a diner – john hurt style

22. if I were to get braces again and I finally got to kiss ewan mcgreggor and he happened to have braces for a role and our braces get locked together

23. if gael garcia bernal makes a movie that doesn’t show him giving cunnalingus to a woman

24. if the Brooklyn bridge starts to warp while we are crossing it – like that freaky bridge did in Tacoma

25. if while watching a concert at madison square garden, you see the arena get sucked into a sinkhole (like that one in chile) and miraculously our two seats are the only ones that remain

26. spontaneous human combustion – anyone. Anywhere.

27. if you walk into my apartment and I’m having tea with oprah in our jammies

28. if we are getting air-lifted out of the water from some freakish accident and, while climbing up the ladder to the helicopter a Great White Shark jumps at us. (Like that photoshopped photo, but real)

29. If I ever finish a game of monopoly

30. If snuggle the laundry bear is really jack the ripper

31. if mel gibson ever has a comeback

32. if I cut the top of my thumb off – again. gross



Things that are NOT GASP WORTHY



11. if a new serial killer is discovered to be dressed as a clown - they are suspect

12. if you see a ghost – everyone knows they’re real, just stay out of their way

13. at the fact that peter gabriel taught a group of monkeys how to play instruments – that’s just cool

14. if you learn that time travel is possible, cause it is (however, if I time travel and wake up to find I'm getting chased by a saber tooth tiger, I will allow a gasp)

15. if my dog atticus started speaking. We all know he can, itt’s just his choice not to

16. if I pass out – I do it a lot

17. if I’m invited to race the indie 500

18. the line at the movies

Best Laid Plans (Part 8)

So, I’ve started doing these video journals at home since Joe simply refuses to follow me around where ever I go. I thought of dousing myself in pancake syrup as a lure, but thought better of it at the 11th hour. The idea of the video journals began when Alicia had the gumption to ask me what my story arc was. I know, nervy, right? The fact is, as much as this trip and the volunteer work will be at the center of the story, the true epicenter of the doc is supposed to be dealing with the life change that divorce thrusts upon you. Because of this, Alicia pointed out, it just isn’t enough to record the process of getting to Ghana, or interviewing others who participated in volunteer vacations, it requires something more intimate. Now, while I’m sure, if it was required, Joe would happily follow me around in order to record some thought that had crossed my brain if it fell into the documentary’s realm; the video journals provide a bit more intimacy. This offers Joe the added relief of not having to watch me cry (which, I’ll admit, I’ve done in some of my entries). They say that people’s pasts and/or baggage follows them around in life and lately, I’ve found that both my ex, and this trip to Ghana (let’s pretend it’s in human form) are leading my personal pack. Their presence finds their way into everything I do: from work, to having drinks with friends, to dating, to sleeping. I think of it as being like the Verizon commercials that show human representations of cell bars following Verizon customers around everywhere they go. I’m told other people feel this way too – here’s hoping that they weren’t just being nice and my posting this blog doesn’t result in some mental health professional coming to my home to “invite” me to their “farm” in the country. Crazy or not crazy, it’s how I’ve been feeling lately – like I’m being metaphorically followed. Whereas a month ago, I found that this trip was pulling my focus from the demise of my marriage, recently it feels as if the two are getting closer together. I’m not sure why that is. I’m wondering now if this trip is going to be less about me beginning anew with a grand jumping off point, and more about intertwining the failure of my marriage with my need to have something else succeed. This documentary and my relationship with my ex have been further connected in my head because, as I recently confessed to Alicia, I am weirded out by the idea that he is reading these blogs. I know the phrase ‘lack of forethought’ is probably crossing your brain right now, but caution and jumping head first into something rarely coincide. You know, perhaps I should be video journaling about this right now…