FAT... and not the Ph(at) Kind

I am a size zero which means I only exist in your imagination.
- Sally, from the web series, In the Can

Last night I was perusing the Internet and found this article: Plus-sized article spurs heavy debate on CNN. Basically, CNN writer, Lisa Respers France writes about maireclaire.com's response to a blog she had written about the significance of having plus-sized people on television. Apparently, the writer for marieclaire.com created a whole skinny-vs.-plus sized sensation where, among other things, she said the following: “To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room — just like I'd find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person stumbling across a bar or a heroine addict slumping in a chair.”

I'm sure you won't be surprised when I mention that there was a huge uproar in response to the blog. So much so, that both the writer of the blog and the editor-in-chief at Marie Claire have apologized. Thank goodness for that! To be clear, I am no skinny-minnie... in fact, by Hollywood standards I would be considered plus-sized. By next-door-neighbor standards however, you'd likely think I was average. I like to call it voluptuous(!). Though I am not obese and have not struggled with obesity, I have never related to any of the standard actresses on television or in typical fashion magazines. Plus-sized models would be way more up my alley.

What I find so fascinating about the uproar is how hipprocritical we all are (frankly, me included). Why is it that we live in one of the fattest countries in the world and yet still think that having a fat person on television means that everything about that character needs to relate to him or her being fat? Are we saying to the average (overweight) viewer that the only way that they should view themselves is through their size?

I know what you're thinking - these questions are all fine and good but how in the world do they relate to Best Laid Plans? Well...

I have struggled with keeping my weight down all of my life. I enjoy a burger. I enjoy ice cream and I don't enjoy waking up early to exercise. Thus, I have struggled with my weight my whole life. It used to make me not want to go out. Sometimes when I was out, it used to make me wish I could disappear into the crowd. If I had to walk across a room, I used to wonder whether everyone noticed how heavy I looked that day. I tell you this not because I enjoy blog confessionals, but simply because I feel sad about how willing people seem to be to only look at overweight people as one-dimensional fat people. I am cute. I am funny. I am smart. And I am overweight. I felt like, by the marieclaire.com's writer's standards - I was right to not leave my house. I was right to want to disappear into the crowd. My weight was all everyone would see. Frankly, in our society, whether you're slightly overweight, chubby or obese it doesn't seem to matter... simply... you are not THIN.

We all outwardly gasp at celebrities losing too much weight and yet, inwardly I think many of us wonder: how did they do that? Could I do that? Even if just for one week or one month? In truth, I wondered that all the time.

Now... and here comes the Best Laid Plans tie in... I wonder that less and less. I'm no liar - so I'm certainly not going to say that I'm never self-conscious about my weight. But it's less so now. Why? Because now I am much too busy living my life. If someone sees me walking my dog and needs to think "that's an overweight woman walking her dog" as opposed to, "that's a woman walking her dog," fine. I'm still out there. I'm still walking. I'm still enjoying my dog.

Though I'll admit, a part of me hopes that that someone walks into a tree while watching my size-whatever-tush walking away.

This I Believe

Shooting for and writing on the BLP blog has, understandably, made me incredibly contemplative about the breakup of my marriage. I think it's for this reason that this period of my life has generated so much creative work. The work hasn't necessarily come from the heartbreak - rather - its developed more from this time since being heartbroken. Recently, I've been thinking a lot about what the failure of my marriage means for me as a potential partner. I wonder if long-term relationships are something I'm even good at. Can I use the things that went wrong as lessons to learn from and avoid in future relationships, or is the failure just a sign that I'm perhaps not a good partner? In all likelihood the answer lies in the middle somewhere, but it's a question I've definitely been contemplating. It's funny then that this morning, I should receive an email telling me that an essay I'd written some time ago has been published on the website for: This I Believe . It's titled, "Relationships: Frieda-Style" and it's a review of my marriage as seen through my grandmother's fictional relationship self-help book. Maybe my personal contemplation can resonate for someone else who's struggled in their marriage?

Give it a read and let me know your thoughts: http://thisibelieve.org/essay/84161/

Best Laid Plans: Milestone

Finding Billy.
How about this order at a drive-thru window: I'd like a male prostitute between the ages of 25 and 30, with a great body and more specifically, a six-pack; who is not a street thug, but more like a sensitive, high-priced escort who can give you the best sex you've ever had? And can I have fries with that?

When one writes a short film that includes a man with a six-pack, it means that when the director has to cast said man, they have to ensure that said actor has said six-pack. Needless to say, I had girlfriends offering to volunteer for the casting session to help me make such a difficult decision.

I've helped On the Leesh cast stuff before but, while we may have been seeking actors with a certain look, we've never had such a specific body requirement as this story called for; and I was never the director. So beyond making sure that they had the physical requirements of the role, I had to make sure that they were also able to make the emotional connection to the part.

Obviously, I'm usually on the side of the actor. Going into auditions and getting notes from the director and/or casting director and trying to suss out what they wanted. With me on the other side of the table, I wanted to make sure that I was clear in what I said; that my notes made sense. That I wasn't putting any actors in the confused position I've occasionally found myself in when getting a note. I was incredibly nervous, actually. I wanted an actor that came in and seemed to be in the same ballpark as how I'd heard the role in my head, but was also able to change it up if necessary. And I knew that I needed to give myself room for error, so I also wanted an actor who would be able to bring their own ideas to the table as well. And I needed the actor to work for no pay.

Hmmmmm... tall order.

Half-way through the auditions, in walked Brian Patacca, an actor On the Leesh knows quite well since he's a regular on one of our webseries, The In-Betweens of Holly Malone. He had seen the ad for the audition and asked if he could read for the role of Billy. Now, just to be clear, we saw a lot of guys that day. We were sent A LOT of headshots. Apparently, there is an abundant amount of six-pack-having male actors in NYC. Who knew? So we saw a number of guys who gave great auditions, but Brian walked in and nailed it. For me, it was like the directing gods were giving a little gift to the newbie. He made me interested in the character in a new way. We called him that night and he accepted the role.

We had our Billy. We were half-way there in this two-person story.

All that's left was finding Denise...